Rambling

Here sits I in comfy chair with no desire to toil over a myriad of artificial stars. Keyboard rests in lap and fingers nimbly type gibberish. Fax is squealing, whiny silicon monster. Exit sign glares red but go outside I cannot. Contract binds, so hours are already spent. Currency exchanges hands but sure of it's worth I am not. Money used to buy happiness but now all it buys is junk. Junk begets more junk and soon I have no life of my own. I am a curator in a museum of my past life. Polish my junk and wait for ownership. Spend money paying for money I have already spent. Projects come and go but none are inspiring. Drink milk, but body good it does not. Yoda grammar mastery has mastered me, quit will I, hmm, yes... hehehe.

Hey, I'm all old now. I turned 23 on the 20th. Everyone who reads this page already knows that, but that's okay. You also know that I was in Texas for two weeks recently; I got back about a week er two ago. I have all my stuff now -- got my books and trinkets and guitar and lotsa other garbage. My possessions are no longer spread across a thousand miles and my soul is finally at peace... n stuff. Well, mostly anyway. Just so's you know, I'm working on making my page completely database driven right now -- it's getting there. I have to put all my links and news and other junk into my database and I've got the program to spit it all back out mostly done. To you, the end user, there will be pretty much no change whatsoever as far as appearances go, but I think it'll be neat. I have lots of interesting ideas and features that I will be adding in the near future (within five or ten years)...

Wedgie Dreams and Rotting Meat

Yeah, that's right, I had this CRAZY-ASS dream. I don't know where to begin. I was outside, there was this big tower thing with stairs and balconies all over it, it kinda reminded me of a deathmatch arena from Quake III or something... same type of layout... open spaces and not architecturally sound at ALL. I think it was me and Vince and maybe my sister and Patrick and some other random people... Can't really remember. Anyway, I remember Vince dousing me in gas and then pretending like he was gonna set me on fire. So I ran around this "level" or whatever it was and then after a minute or two I saw Vince again and I charged him and he grabbed me and just picked me up like he was gonna throw me... big stupid Ogre... Hehe, but I grabbed his pants, so when he yanked me off the ground he like, gave himself a really nasty wedgie -- looked painful. Hehehe... That's it... I don't remember what else happened. It was funny as hell.

Also, added two more links to Random. There's the Stinkymeat Project and a page called RANT. I'm not gonna bother describing them, just check em out. I found them to be pretty funny. One warning though -- Stinkymeat is not for the squeamish. If you intend on eating in the near future or have just eaten and you don't relish the thought of maggots crawling in decaying meat, you should probably avoid that site...

The Man, The Meaning of Life, and Free Pizza

Got a lot accomplished today I guess... Went to work, we had a meeting, I ate pizza. Then I went outside and played Aerobee (Frisbee golf) with some of my co-workers. Got bored and somehow ended up reading all kindsa political science crap. Socialism, communism, capitalism, and finally anarchy. Dunno, I guess I was feeling anarchistic tendencies er something. I'm just fed up with the whole capitalist "work for money then buy crap" system. Maybe I watched Fight Club one to many times, who knows. Anyway, after that I ended up going home and reading about the meaning of life. Really interesting stuff. Check out the link to the complete FAQ on the meaning of life in the Random section. Oh yeah, speaking of which, you may have noticed that the top menu graphic on this page is kinda messed up and when you go to my other pages the menu doesn't appear anymore? That's cuz I've only partially converted my page over to PHP and I haven't had the motivation to fix it yet... Also, my page has been down a LOT lately (a thousand apologies to all my readers -- all three of you). I've been playing lotsa games lately and unfortunately I don't have a dedicated 24/7 web server yet. You'll be happy to hear that I have passed Half-Life: Opposing Force... and it was good. And so I passed Quake III as well, and it too was good. And the Evans smiled upon the games and on the seventh day He rested -- because passing Final Fantasy VII will take a long long time... Alright. I'm going to bed.

Calf-Warmers Look Stupid

Just thought I'd mention that before I go. No reason.

Hola. Me llamo Evans. Donde esta el bano?

Yeah, yer thinking, "Why is this dumbass at home messing with his webpage at 10pm on a Saturday?". Well, I'm about to get outta here. Gonna go downtown and see if I can find my roommate, my co-worker, or anyone else vaguely interesting... I'm not a total loser, dammit. Anyway, more random updates here and there... See if you can find em! It's like "Where's Waldo?", have fun (chump)...

Hi.

I added an employment section. I've never really even looked at the links on there, but they're probably as good as any other ones you'll find... or not. Maybe as I start looking for a new job I'll actually be able to provide some quality links.

On a side note, I'd like to mention that registration for QuakeCon 2000 is today. Be there or be square. Square, hehe, what a stupid term. Who came up with that? You're a square you dumb squarey-square square. Yo mama's so square that when she um... ... I dunno. Anyway, check it out. The link is in the Random section.

Oh yeah, it's also Cinco de Mayo. If you live in a city with a decent-sized Hispanic population, go out and party. Don't sit around inside and watch your ass get fatter you lazy American. Go out and DO something. I know I'm going out. I even shaved today. Yeah, wow, miracles really do happen.

Slowly Cleaning Up This Mess

Got bored, went through some links on the Random page and moved a few things around... Updated Shopping, Art, Coding, etc... Just minor stuff. Check out the Hideous Jabbering Head of Abraham Lincoln on the Random page... hehe. I got a kick outta that one. Whoa! Check it out... More than one update in a day! I'm just a friggin' workaholic or something!

Updating Random Section

I'm updating the Random section, yeah, just like the headline says... I added a Movie section a while ago (it's just a list of movies right now). Um, I'm actually gonna start posting headlines EVERY time I update my page instead of just when I feel like I have some smart-ass thing to say. That way it'll look like there are more updates and I can trick you people into visiting my site more often... hehe. Oh yeah, according the survey results exactly three people visit my site on a regular basis: ME (of course), my dad (ol' man thinks I'm a bit funny er sumpthin'), and Vinny da Ogre. Oh well, at least I'm not lagging out my cheesy cable connection serving web pages, huh? That's good I guess.

My Name is Not "Crusty Gerbil Buns"

Well, updated the page again with more shallow, unfinished content. You may have noticed that the "Art" page is probably the most well-developed page on this site right now? That's because "art.html" starts with "a" and that's about as far as I ever get when I do updates... hehe. Anyway, I have some pretty slow, unorganized ftp access now. Just send your browser or ftp client here (you don't need to enter a password). There's no copyrighted or illegal stuff in the public area, hell, there's not much of anything really and what is there isn't organized very well. I'll clean it up eventually (sigh)... I've been working on my database a lot lately. Once I get it functioning properly I'll be able to put all my links and stuff in it and the web page will be a lot easier to update. I'm gonna try to get secure web pages working too just for the hell of it... Maybe I'll develop my own little e-business web interface or something, I dunno... I need to put a counter on this thing too, I'm curious if anyone visits my page besides me... Let's do a quick survey -- If you've visited this site more than once, raise your hand (or any appendage really, it doesn't matter). ... Alright, um, now e-mail me and tell me whether your hand is raised. I'll let you know the survey results in the next update. Thank you for your participation.

Partition Tables Suck

A thousand apologies again for the lack of updates... I'm having problems deciding how to partition my machine so I've got a half-assed install of Windows 98 on one partition and Linux on another and I need some more for public and private ftp access, etc... Anyway, I've almost got that stuff ironed out. Once I have this machine up and running at it's full potential, you can expect a complete reformat of the page and quite a few more updates. Within the next week I intend to get it working. I'm going to be hosting my webpage from my own machine at home so I can run a database and add all kindsa neato technical stuff to it. I'd like to give out some telnet access and host a few of your pages as well so I can make use of the second processor in this big bastard (it's a huge full tower computer). I'm going to be putting a lot more creative content on here as well, more interesting articles like "Brain Rot". That one was fun to write. Gonna make a section on the site called "Thought Burrito II", I'll explain later... Anyway, there's work to be done and since the place that I normally rent my typing monkeys from is closed today I'll just have to do it my damn self.

All Kneel Before His Assholiness, Patrick The First

Added a new PrimusSucks.com link to Random page. This one's for you, bra!

Got Underwear?

Damn, talk about useful services, check out the new InYourPants.com link in the Random section. I might have to subscribe to this service.

New "Dried Urine" Color Scheme

Ah yes, dried urine at it's finest. It really is a nice color as long as you haven't had any traumatizing janitorial experiences...(I've had only one myself, but have since recovered.) I am a computer graphics GOD!!! Well, maybe not, but me and my gimp do alright when it comes to pretty, weird-colored gradients. Also, let me draw your attention to the finely coded menu bar, it's wafer thin. More actual content coming soon.*

* Blatant lie. No actual content is forthcoming... Well, maybe some is, but not anything premeditated.

Other-Dimensional Clone Takes Over Page

A rift to an alternate, backwards universe opened up today in Madison, Wisconsin. The rift was supposedly caused when an Internet user named "capsaicin" tried to sign up for a Yahoo account and the account name "capsaicin" was already taken by someone else. This proved the existence of another "capsaicin" in the universe. This deprecation of the name "capsaicin", this revoking of the uniqueness of his identity caused "capsaicin" to suffer a horrible psychic backlash that opened the aforementioned rift. Just a moment ago, I, Niciaspac, a complete inverse of "capsaicin" came out of the rift and entered "capsaicin's" home. Normally, you would be able to recognize me by my devious-looking goatee, since all the beings of my evil alternate universe have devious-looking goatees. Unfortunately, the "capsaicin" of this universe also has a goatee so it is impossible to tell the two of us apart. After a brief conference, we have decided to switch places to keep the universe in balance and to regain our individualities -- a wise decision. If the universe ever became more good than evil, or more evil than good, the stronger side would quickly conquer the weaker side and the universe would slip headlong into the chaos from which it came. So, you are now left with me, Niciaspac, instead of "capsaicin" and the universe is one with itself, go hug a tree. And while you're doing that, I'll just "chown niciaspac" everything "capsaicin" used to own...

Brain Rot

"Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" is the stupidest show I've ever seen... thank God. It's complete lack of even the smallest amount of entertainment value freed me from the entrancing rays emanating from the television set. Normally I don't have a problem resisting the siren song of the TV, but my roommate has increased his television's power tenfold through the use of cable. Now, as we all know, cable allows the CIA to pump information out of your brain 53 times faster than they can with regular broadcast TV. It's based on the same technology as cable Internet. The television puts you into a near-hypnotic state and then the men in black send a carrier detect signal directly to your mind through subliminal images. After about 5 minutes of watching, your brain will start to return the carrier signal and the pumping begins. With broadcast television this is not a serious problem other than an invasion of privacy, but cable has been tested on highly intelligent monkeys (nearly identical to the average American) and there is clinical proof that it causes brain rot. After only 3 hours of watching, the monkeys started showing signs of permanent brain damage... The only thing keeping your brains safe are horribly bad shows such as the afore mentioned "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". This is the reason that bad shows really go off the air. It's not because a group of TV critics rate them poorly, it's because the CIA tracks the amount of incoming information and when a really crappy show comes on, they lose a lot of watchers or "uploaders", then they go out in their silent black helicopters and cap the creators of the lame shows. By doing this, they tamper with the delicate ecosystem of creators and after years of such assassinations, evolution has dictated a race of super-creators and hence the existence of shows like Futurama and News Radio which I will willingly watch despite the high risk of rotting my brain. Anyway, just thought I should post a short news article on this seeing as how there are still a great deal of you out there who don't know anything on this subject. Gotta keep my people informed.

Y2K Punches Like a Girl

Well, it's the year 2000; the world is still here. The Apocalypse is running late I guess. And I'm moving to Wisconsin to rake in da big bucks and enjoy the 100% Free Outdoor Air Conditioning. I can't wait. Anyway, just put a new evansBay link with all the crap I'm selling that I can't take to Wisconsin. Check it out. I'm gonna put up a bad-ass dual PII-400 Linux server as soon as I get a paycheck and I'll be hosting this site on my own machine instead of as a sub-directory in Ogre's Lair.