Brain Rot

"Who Wants to Be a Millionaire" is the stupidest show I've ever seen... thank God. It's complete lack of even the smallest amount of entertainment value freed me from the entrancing rays emanating from the television set. Normally I don't have a problem resisting the siren song of the TV, but my roommate has increased his television's power tenfold through the use of cable. Now, as we all know, cable allows the CIA to pump information out of your brain 53 times faster than they can with regular broadcast TV. It's based on the same technology as cable Internet. The television puts you into a near-hypnotic state and then the men in black send a carrier detect signal directly to your mind through subliminal images. After about 5 minutes of watching, your brain will start to return the carrier signal and the pumping begins. With broadcast television this is not a serious problem other than an invasion of privacy, but cable has been tested on highly intelligent monkeys (nearly identical to the average American) and there is clinical proof that it causes brain rot. After only 3 hours of watching, the monkeys started showing signs of permanent brain damage... The only thing keeping your brains safe are horribly bad shows such as the afore mentioned "Who Wants to Be a Millionaire". This is the reason that bad shows really go off the air. It's not because a group of TV critics rate them poorly, it's because the CIA tracks the amount of incoming information and when a really crappy show comes on, they lose a lot of watchers or "uploaders", then they go out in their silent black helicopters and cap the creators of the lame shows. By doing this, they tamper with the delicate ecosystem of creators and after years of such assassinations, evolution has dictated a race of super-creators and hence the existence of shows like Futurama and News Radio which I will willingly watch despite the high risk of rotting my brain. Anyway, just thought I should post a short news article on this seeing as how there are still a great deal of you out there who don't know anything on this subject. Gotta keep my people informed.