Other-Dimensional Clone Takes Over Page

A rift to an alternate, backwards universe opened up today in Madison, Wisconsin. The rift was supposedly caused when an Internet user named "capsaicin" tried to sign up for a Yahoo account and the account name "capsaicin" was already taken by someone else. This proved the existence of another "capsaicin" in the universe. This deprecation of the name "capsaicin", this revoking of the uniqueness of his identity caused "capsaicin" to suffer a horrible psychic backlash that opened the aforementioned rift. Just a moment ago, I, Niciaspac, a complete inverse of "capsaicin" came out of the rift and entered "capsaicin's" home. Normally, you would be able to recognize me by my devious-looking goatee, since all the beings of my evil alternate universe have devious-looking goatees. Unfortunately, the "capsaicin" of this universe also has a goatee so it is impossible to tell the two of us apart. After a brief conference, we have decided to switch places to keep the universe in balance and to regain our individualities -- a wise decision. If the universe ever became more good than evil, or more evil than good, the stronger side would quickly conquer the weaker side and the universe would slip headlong into the chaos from which it came. So, you are now left with me, Niciaspac, instead of "capsaicin" and the universe is one with itself, go hug a tree. And while you're doing that, I'll just "chown niciaspac" everything "capsaicin" used to own...