- My next-door neighbors have spinners on their car and they smoke a lot of pot.
- My across-the-street neighbors have drunken yelling fights in the middle of the night, and they've "repaired" a broken window on their shitty SUV by taping a cardboard beer box (Miller Lite I think) over the hole.
- A few houses down there's a green glowing doghouse (green light comes out of it) with a statue of the Virgin Mary inside. A very strange altar.
- People steal shit outta my garage all the damn time.
The last item is the only one that annoys me. I like the ghetto. It's casual - no homeowner's associations. It's got character. But I'm sick and tired of people taking my shit. First, they took a lawn mower. It was just in my carport, not locked up, so shame on me. Fine. Next, they cut the damn locks I had on the storage closets in the carport and took my brand new electric chainsaw and old weed whacker. Bastards. Jokes on them though, the weed whacker wasn't that great and the chainsaw was complete crap - I know better than to get an electric chainsaw now. And just last week, the fuckers struck again. They took a couple of extension cords out of the garage. Why? They're not valuable. What the fuck?!?! So, I'm gonna start locking down my house big time. I'm getting the wrought iron fence repaired so that I can close and lock every gate. Next, I'm putting up those damn garage doors - been procrastinating forever on that... And then an idea occurred. Not sure if it's evil or not... What if I intentionally left items out for people to steal... What if I did that and I booby trapped them! A weed whacker with a transformer hooked up to it so that it would build a charge and shock the shit out of em. Or a lawnmower with a Lo-Jack installed so I could track them down and bust em! Or maybe not even booby trap the items, but just plant some old shitty lawn mower in my driveway and then put up a camera to catch them. Vigilante justice sorta. It's just annoying cuz I can't go to the police for any of this shit, you know? "Yeah, my extension cables were stolen." "Uh, ok. We'll file a report. Thanks. Bye." If I could, I would build a giant, humane live-capture trap with a lawnmower as bait and just catch these poor bastards and take em to the police or something. No matter how poor you are, you do not prey on your fellow man! Never!
4 Comments:
ilya said...
dude, that sucks. don't set painful booby traps, though. Just cover whatever you leave out for them to steal in feces, but in a way they don't notice until they bring it back to their house, leave it in their garage and it stinks up the place. Fuckers.
1/05/2007 5:04 PM
Patrick said...
Electro-Virgin Mary Doghouse? That fucking rocks. Get me a pick of that. It totally beats my glowing booze bottle idea.
1/05/2007 11:40 PM
Kelly V. said...
It's illegal to booby-trap stuff, I believe. Talk with Mrs. Juicebox for all official legal information of course.
1/08/2007 9:04 AM
Jess said...
Kelly is right. It's illegal. There are all kinds of cases about people who electrified their window frames or (my favorites) rigged up a spring-triggered shotgun facing the door, or otherwise set traps for potential intruders and ended up in jail. Not sure about booby trapping things in a way that doesn't aim to hurt the intruder, though. Isn't that basically what those ink tags on clothes in the store are? The ones that explode if you try to take them off and get ink all over you?Maybe you could cover all your stuff in ink tags? Or itching powder?
1/12/2007 11:20 AM
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