Talking Dogs

Holy crap this is awesome/creepy. Dog voices are weird sounding! http://www.ursispaltenstein.ch/blog/index.php?/weblog/talking_dogs/

( * )( * ) Traps

I live in the ghetto. I know this because:

• My next-door neighbors have spinners on their car and they smoke a lot of pot.
• My across-the-street neighbors have drunken yelling fights in the middle of the night, and they've "repaired" a broken window on their shitty SUV by taping a cardboard beer box (Miller Lite I think) over the hole.
• A few houses down there's a green glowing doghouse (green light comes out of it) with a statue of the Virgin Mary inside. A very strange altar.
• People steal shit outta my garage all the damn time.

The last item is the only one that annoys me. I like the ghetto. It's casual - no homeowner's associations. It's got character. But I'm sick and tired of people taking my shit. First, they took a lawn mower. It was just in my carport, not locked up, so shame on me. Fine. Next, they cut the damn locks I had on the storage closets in the carport and took my brand new electric chainsaw and old weed whacker. Bastards. Jokes on them though, the weed whacker wasn't that great and the chainsaw was complete crap - I know better than to get an electric chainsaw now. And just last week, the fuckers struck again. They took a couple of extension cords out of the garage. Why? They're not valuable. What the fuck?!?! So, I'm gonna start locking down my house big time. I'm getting the wrought iron fence repaired so that I can close and lock every gate. Next, I'm putting up those damn garage doors - been procrastinating forever on that... And then an idea occurred. Not sure if it's evil or not... What if I intentionally left items out for people to steal... What if I did that and I booby trapped them! A weed whacker with a transformer hooked up to it so that it would build a charge and shock the shit out of em. Or a lawnmower with a Lo-Jack installed so I could track them down and bust em! Or maybe not even booby trap the items, but just plant some old shitty lawn mower in my driveway and then put up a camera to catch them. Vigilante justice sorta. It's just annoying cuz I can't go to the police for any of this shit, you know? "Yeah, my extension cables were stolen." "Uh, ok. We'll file a report. Thanks. Bye." If I could, I would build a giant, humane live-capture trap with a lawnmower as bait and just catch these poor bastards and take em to the police or something. No matter how poor you are, you do not prey on your fellow man! Never!

4 Comments:
ilya said...
dude, that sucks. don't set painful booby traps, though. Just cover whatever you leave out for them to steal in feces, but in a way they don't notice until they bring it back to their house, leave it in their garage and it stinks up the place. Fuckers.
1/05/2007 5:04 PM
Patrick said...
Electro-Virgin Mary Doghouse? That fucking rocks. Get me a pick of that. It totally beats my glowing booze bottle idea.
1/05/2007 11:40 PM
Kelly V. said...
It's illegal to booby-trap stuff, I believe. Talk with Mrs. Juicebox for all official legal information of course.
1/08/2007 9:04 AM
Jess said...
Kelly is right. It's illegal. There are all kinds of cases about people who electrified their window frames or (my favorites) rigged up a spring-triggered shotgun facing the door, or otherwise set traps for potential intruders and ended up in jail. Not sure about booby trapping things in a way that doesn't aim to hurt the intruder, though. Isn't that basically what those ink tags on clothes in the store are? The ones that explode if you try to take them off and get ink all over you?Maybe you could cover all your stuff in ink tags? Or itching powder?
1/12/2007 11:20 AM

The Octogenarian

In 2057, when I turn 80, I'm gonna open a coffee shop/bar called "The Octogenarian". There will be an 80-year-old bouncer at the door checking IDs. You'll have to be at least 80 years old to get in. There will be 80's music playing. All the drinks will cost 80 dollars (which will be really cheap because of inflation, ya know?) We'll all still be pretty spry because of medical advances - 80 will be the new 50. The atmosphere will be sort of like a dive, but clean and well lit. People will mostly hang out and complain about young whippersnappers. It'll be great. Seeya there.

ilya said...
damn, since i'm at least a year younger than you, it means that i'll have to wait that whole year before i can enter the bar. I wonder if i can get a fake ID that certifies that I'm 80 if I'm only 79?
1/05/2007 2:04 PM
Evans Tucker said...
By then the IDs will be implanted under the skin or in your skull. You won't be able to forge them easily... sorry.
1/05/2007 3:12 PM

Happy New Year!

Oh, and by the way, Happy New Year! Did you eat your black-eyed peas?!?! Anyone? I've asked everyone about their pea-eating and I've gotten all negative responses. Aren't you people concerned with your luck in 2007?!?!

del.icio.us

It's so easy to ignore stuff on webpages. I've been ignoring "del.icio.us" and "reddit" and all the other little link-a-ma-jigs that people have on their blogs for a while now... I just put them in the same category as ads and my mind erased them from my view. But, for whatever reason, I ran across del.icio.us again today. Oh yeah, cuz I was trying to move some bookmarks around in Firefox and I remembered reading about some Google Sync or something so I was gonna check that out, but instead I clicked on bookmark extensions for Firefox or something and found del.icio.us. For the less uB3r-\eRd5 I will include this link: http://del.icio.us/ I'm not just typing the word "delicious" with dots in it. It's a freakin' website. And what a great idea too. All your bookmarks in one place, accessible from anywhere, and shareable. This was the original problem that led me to create my website - I wanted my links everywhere I went. Slowly but surely, the web is catching up to what it should be. Blogger is great. Flickr is great. del.icio.us is great. I think I'm getting closer and closer to giving up on my dreams of self-hosting. The only thing that holds me back right now is the lack of a good backup/content-archiving system for most of these sites. I want copies of the content. All of it. Tags, comments, pictures, blog posts, links, etc. del.icio.us has a good export tool (or so it seems, I haven't actually used it yet). Blogger can kinda export the content. I have no idea what Flickr can do yet, because I haven't started using it. If these awesome sites can really provide these services forever, great. But I am paranoid and I want to keep copies of all the stuff that I've worked on, just in case. ... Anyway. Too much rambling. del.icio.us is great. I will be tying together this blog, del.icio.us, and maybe a Flickr account soon and we'll see if I can make do without my own server...

ilya said...
i want your wisdom when you manage to link those three together. Because I"m lagging behind. I can see new technologies and excitingies (it's a word. that i made up.) happening around me with my participation and i don't want to feel like I'm 80 before i get officially certified by an octogenarian bouncer at the door of your club.
1/05/2007 2:09 PM