Straight Razor Shave

I've finally had it with these damn triple and quadruple consumer trash razors. I can't handle it anymore. I'm lazy, so I only shave like once a week at best. The damn razors can't do anything to a weeks worth of growth - I gotta start off with this sad little electric trimmer with a dying battery that pulls out as many hairs as it cuts. After trimming with that, I can attempt to use the razor, but it inevitably gets clogged with my AWESOME FACIAL MANLINESS! It's miserable and it takes too damn long and it makes me hate my AWESOME FACIAL MANLINESS, which is just wrong. I shouldn't hate it - I just need to learn how to conquer it because I'm quite possibly TOO MANLY IN THE FACIAL AREA THAN'S GOOD FOR ME!

In my frustration, I've been thinking about alternative options. I could:

• Not shave.
  
• Put Nads on my face.
  
• Use an electric razor.
• Use a single-blade razor.
• Get laser hair removal on my face.
  
• Use a straight razor.
  

Unfortunately, not shaving would lead to a beard, which requires it's own maintenance and would lead to unnecessary spousal frustration.

Nads, while highly bloggable, would not be a good method for regular depilation.

An electric razor would be a disaster - try putting one of those things on a full beard and see what happens. Electric razors are designed more for men that shave everyday because then have embarrassing, wispy, girly facial hair - they're not for dudes like me with A.F.M.

A single-blade safety razor is a pretty good idea - no clogging multi-bladed silliness. The only downside to that would be the continued need for replacement blades - a minor annoyance really.

Laser removal is a pretty popular treatment in these futuristic times - I could always just opt to never grow facial hair again. I could also pour vinegar all over my lawn so I never have to mow again. And I could sell all of my dishes so I never have to wash them again. I could sell my car so I never have to fix it again. I could sell my house so I never have to clean it again. I could quit my job so I never have to work again...

I think a straight razor is quite possibly what I need... Not 100% sure, but it seems like the best choice. It should be able to tackle a weeks worth of growth since it's not a clog-prone multi-bladed abomination. If properly cared for, it should last a lifetime. It doesn't have any disposable parts (eco-friendly!) And it's hardcore, retro, and elegant all at the same time.

However, before I take the plunge and shell out good money for a fancy neck-slicer, I'd like to actually experience a straight razor shave. I'd also like to invite anyone else interested in getting a straight razor shave to come with me. Explore strange new razors; to seek out new smoothness and new depilations; to boldly go where no face has gone before! Here's the relevant info:

What: Straight Razor Shave
When: Thursday, March 20th at 6pm
Where: Birds Barbershop at 2110 South Lamar

Please drop me a comment to RSVP. You'll need to bring your biggest set of cahones and $25 to pay the nice lady who will be holding a razor to your throat. If I understand correctly, they will be providing the rock and roll and free beer. I expect this is gonna be one helluva barbershop experience... Perhaps we can all celebrate afterwards at one of the fine eateries or drinkeries in the area.